Great Cricket Sledges

Way way back in the 1980s
I was made skipper at a young age to captain a mob of F graders
We struggled to get players for the first games , amongst my recruits for the F Troop team was a lad called Yobbo who brought out his best mate Dingo
Dingo was in and out of the team
I batted him eleven , as he had never played cricket in his life
I never saw him until Saturdays , he didn't train, he was a strange lad , very quiet, and at times oblivious to the real world

I saw him bat twice for low scores and he showed very little batting prowess
However he was an exceptional fielder
Most excellent fielders invariably had an ability of sorts with a cricket bat
But not Dingo

I asked him and Yobbo to a private batting session
I bowled him an assortment of spin and pace, as did Yobbo
We nailed his stumps  and had him baffled with monotomous regularity
Dingo just stood at the crease and jabbed at the ball
Yobbo often had the ball pass Dingo b4 he played at it

To this day I'm proud of the metaphoric transformation in Dingo's batting
Because he was too often too late playing at the ball I suggested he used some backlift , his backlift was non existent, his bat was still touching the crease as we bowled at him

As with most stories the amazing happens
And it did
The 2nd ball Yobbo bowled at him , was quick enough
Without exaggeration Yobbo was good enough to play district cricket
Dingo wound up with an expansive backlift and drove the ball that would have cleared any first class arena
A massive blow
He was hit or miss in the practice session , but when he connected the ball whizzed past us at an almighty velocity

He made runs that season, including a couple of rapid fire half tons batting at mainly 7 and 8
He was a sweet hitter , and improved as the season went on
Against the might and power of WYC Dingo hit up a 60 not out off about 5 overs

Year 2 in Dingos career
He did a lot of shift work , so he rarely trained
When he batted at practice he could hit the A grade quicks
We both played a much higher div that 2nd season  from F Trooop to B Graders !
I was his skipper again

We had a strong bowling attack
One quick was unavailable
The other quick was injured
But there were 4 of us that bowled pace
I woke up Saturday with a severe back problem
I could not bowl
We were left with 1 recognised bowler , who bowled the first over
When the second over was to be bowled, I still didn't know who to bowl
I asked our Keeper Roons who should we bowl
He replied
" Give Dingo the new ball."
I said
" What ! , he bowls off 2 steps at practice and is useless."
Roons says
" Just do it for a joke."
I reluctantly agreed
I pranced up to Dingo and said
" Mate can you bowl this over."
" Whaddaya want me to bowl ?."
" Just mark a run up like Foxy [our opening bowler] and bowl as fast as you can."

We bowled the opposition out for about 80 odd
Dingo took 5 wickets
He bowled prodigious booming outswingers
I asked him during his stint how he was swinging the ball so much, he said he didn't know what he was doing, he just put his fingers either side of the seam for grip comfort and bowled

I never knew he could bat last season
And now I find out I have a gun bowler
He bats like a poor mans Lance Cairns
He bowled like a poor mans Richard Hadlee

Yes this post is going on and on and on and on and on and on
But I will continue

All our quicks were back in next game
One of them a good bowler Johnny G who could also bowl outties
Johnny G , I think went wicketless or may have taken 1
Dingo had another day out again and took 4-5 wickets
I fielded at slips this game
Johnny G swung the ball inches , Dingo feet
Johnny G was witnessing Dingo bowl for the first time , and would chat to Dingo and encourage him
He also asked Dingo how he was swingin' the ball feet
Dingo had no answer, he simply didnt know , he always would reply he held the ball for grip comfort

That night over a few drinks this is what Johnny G had to say about our naive Dingo
" I cant believe how much he swings the ball , and dont know how, I might as well go to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital , have half my brain removed , and see if I can bowl like him ."

I pizzzzzed meself laughing , a great sledge

Another mate of mine was Panther
This guy was never short of a quip sledge or joke on field

We were finishing off our careers in  the Para Districts Sunday Comp

There was no stopping me , wickets, runs, not bad for a bloke in his mid forties , and I knew it , much to the chagrim of some of my team mates

We played this mob At Salisbury West , the boundaries were shorter than The Indian grounds

We bowled first
I came on after a few overs to bowl my off breaks
Bang
Bang
Bang
In my 2nd over i had the figures of something like
1.4 overs and about 0/30 , getting belted to and over the fence

Panther , who was the wicket keeper, yells out :
" Hey Scrappy do you want another slip "

I've always thought that was the best sledge against me in all my years of cricket

Footnote
I finished with 0/57 off 3 overs
And won the bowling trophy that season !

'

Want no Ashes

Anagram of Shane Watson
By
Scott Walsh, Journalist

" There is Mitchell Starc, Pat Cummins, James Pattinson
And there is Jackson Bird
But that's a bonus, because he cant bowl."

By Jeffrey Thommo Thompson
When asked about injured Australian fast bowlers



"" But one thing I will say about Watson he is a lot better than some of those other clowns.
I don't rate Usman Khawaja and Shaun Marsh , they do too many things wrong.
The minute they play a decent bowler, they don't get any runs."

By Jeffrey Thommo Thompson
When asked about his past criticisms of Shane Watson

The only fellow I've met in love with himself at a young age and has remained faithful ever since

By Dennis FOT Lillie
About Geoffrey Borecott

DANIEL WAUGH

Kevin Pieterson tells the story
KP playing for Sydney Uni in grade cricket Sydney
KP and the top order were creaming the bowling
Daniel Waugh came in to bat
Instead of dominating Daniel played and missed a few times
He then nicked one to the keeper
As he walked of the ground a spectator had this to say
"Ooi Danny are you adopted mate?"

Daniel Waugh is the younger brother of Steve, Mark and Dean Waugh

ARJUNA RANATUNGA

In a game against Australia asked for a runner
Ian Healy made that famous line of you dont get a runner for being fat
Arjuna then got into a heated discussion with Healy and the umpires
Arjuna made a point that his left hamstring was a injured
The Physio came on field and treated his right hamstring ....

By 
Shane Warne
Channell 9 commentary team

" Thats a gutter ball."

By
Damien Fleming
When Shaun Tait bowled a wide
BBL match Adelaide Strikers v Perth Scorchers

A team talk by a former English Test cricketer
" I want you to play like you never played before, want you to play well."

By
David Lloyd
A big name in all cricket circles

Scrappy wrote:A team talk by a former English Test cricketer
" I want you to play like you never played before, want you to play well."

By
David Lloyd
A big name in all cricket circles

Wonderful man. Full of charisma, charm, handsome, eloquent and I believe he supports Port Adelaide.

Isn't that an oxymoron, Booney?

(Your good self excepted, of course

" Ive heard if you earn minimum wage in England youre in the top 10% earners in the World."

By Stuart Broad
Current England allrounder
On Twitter

He has been blasted for this by all and sundries
He has since removed his post

WORLD CUP 
New Zealand  V England 
20/2/1015

EG 123 [33.2]
NZ 1/112 [9]

The players walk of the ground for the break with 12 to get
Brendan McCullum made an amazing 77 off 25 balls

During the break , back to the commentary team
This is a question directed at Harsha Bogle

"Did we expect that Harsha, did we expect it to go that way?"

" Just as well it was cricket, if it was boxing the referee would have stopped it long back."

I can't believe they bothered with lunch!

Gingernuts wrote:I can't believe they bothered with lunch!

think about the amount of money spent on the lunches including the players, administrators & off course the corporates........you can't waste money like that Gn

www.abc.net.au/news/2015-04-15/percy-sledge-soul-singer-link-to-cricket-sledging/6393694

Is this how the cricket word sledging came to be ?

" Is so up his own a.se , he thinks he is untouchable."

By Geoffrey Borecott
On Alistair Cook
After England lost the 3rd test v West Indies 2015

You could be forgiven for thinking he was referring to himself.

Back in the 1970s one of Boycott's England teammates (can't remember who) was frustrated with one of the Windies bowlers and was struggling to pick his deliveries. Once he had worked him out, he advised the team on what was going on.

Boycott piped up saying, "Oh, I worked that out weeks ago."

"And you didn't think to tell your teammates, Geoffrey?"

I don't have much time for "Our Geoffrey" I am afraid.

Chambo Off To Work We Go wrote:

I don't have much time for "Our Geoffrey" I am afraid.

me neither, you can add domestic violence as to why as well & no doubt he played for himself

I.S.
" Alistair Cook has now batted 2nd longest of all time in his career of all time for England , right second in terms of duration in minutes
OK he has now batted 26834 minutes
He has just gone past Geoffrey Boycott and only one player ahead of him."

1.B.
" I was going to say Boycott
" Was he an attacking player ? "

I.S.
" No he wasent , dreadfully boring in fact
27,612 minutes this man here batted for England very proudly and for that Sky Television and every company in the world that televised it humbly apologises

By
Ian Smith  speaking to Ian Botham in the commentary box about fellow commentator Michael Atherton , second test England V New Zealand 2015

His dog could have done as good a coaching job as Queenslands John Buchanan
By
Michael Clarke
On John Buchanans coaching

"I dont think John knows a thing about the baggy green, having never worn one."
By
Michael Clarke
About John Buchanan

" Andrew Symonds went on TV to criticise my leadership ,Im sorry but he is not a person to judge anyone on leadership
This is the guy who turned up drunk to play for his country
Its pretty rich for him to be throwing rocks"
By
Michael Clarke
About Andrew Symonds

Scrappy wrote:

" Andrew Symonds went on TV to criticise my leadership ,Im sorry but he is not a person to judge anyone on leadership
This is the guy who turned up drunk to play for his country
Its pretty rich for him to be throwing rocks"
By
Michael Clarke
About Andrew Symonds

Refer story in the Conspiracy Theories thread.

Losing a bit of respect for Clarke with the pot shots he's taking now he's out of the chair.

There's always been plenty of rumours about him not being a real team player, and the more I see stuff like this, the more those rumours appear correct.

As Australian captain he shouldn't even care what's being said about him externally. Of course there will be critics, just accept that and get on with the job. You've got to rise above it and (to use a cricketing vernacular) let it go through to the keeper. By responding you're just lowering yourself to their standard, and distracting yourself from the task at hand.

Yep, agreed Ginge.

His comments about Symonds are pretty average and something that whilst perhaps spoken about at the odd "Sportsmans Lunch" by recently retired players, it's one of those things that sort of doesn't need to be talked about in that manner. If Brett Lee joked about it at a speaking appointment, so be it, but as a leader to tip **** on your team mates, it's pretty poor.

Add to that his public announcement prior to the World Cup final that it would be his last game. Come on mate, it's not all about you.

Add to that his public announcement that he'd play one more Test during the Ashes Series. Come on mate, it's not all about you.

Consider that to the low key manner in which Brad Haddin recently retired. Dignified, respectful, humble, not always things that you would have associated with Haddin during his playing days, but it certainly can be said about his exit from the game. Meanwhile, Clarke takes the opportunity to have the spotlight on him anytime, anywhere.

Scrappy wrote:His dog could have done as good a coaching job as Queenslands John Buchanan
By
Michael Clarke
On John Buchanans coaching

"I dont think John knows a thing about the baggy green, having never worn one."
By
Michael Clarke
About John Buchanan

These two quotes are also completely unacceptable for someone who is, or even was, our captain.

The first is just plain mean. The second is arrogance personified.