Great Cricket Sledges

....well, a joke, anyway........

Day 2
Australia V Pakistan
Third Test

" The only thing that was in danger was his toe, it was that short wasent it, not even half way."

By
Bill Lawry
On Mohammad Aamir bowling a bumper at Peter Handscombe which was hit for 4


" Couldnt catch a cold in the middle of winter."

By
Bill Lawry
On Younis Khan dropping a catch OFF Azhar Ali , the batsman was Hilton Cartwright

Mohammad Aamir
3rd Test Australia v Pakistan
SCG 2017
Run out for 5
Aamir pushed the ball to cover , not a run in it, as proved when run out

SHANE WARNE
" Im not sure who called the run they both sort of took off and no one called
It was a block a forward defence to the fielder
There was no run there at all
A very weird dismissal."

IAN CHAPPELL
" I think they got a run, half each ."

" Lucky there's 10 other good players , because you are rubbish."

By
Alec Stewart
On Justin Langer

Alec Stewart played in about 7 Ashes series, and Australia won every series !

England
1989
This AustralIAN team was dubbed the worst Australian side to visit England
Australia won the first test
This from the commentary box

Ian Chappell : Well I had the pleasure of playing against Tony Greig in the 70s when Australia had a good side and we were winning pretty regularly. This is the 2nd prize, I reckon Greigy being in the commentary team when England are being beaten."

Tony Greig : The fact that England can only win this series 5-1 is a bit disappointing to me as well."

The AustralIANs won the 1989 series 4-0!
The 2 drawn matches were rain affected

Tony Greig was not the only one wrong with the series result
I backed England to win that series !

I doubt you have backed a loser since

" Well thats up to them, I mean , at the end of the day if you hit the ball straight to cover and get run out what do you expect."

By
Duncan Fletcher
Englands cricket coach
On Ricky Ponting getting run out by the sub fielder Gary Pratt, Trent Bridge 2005

England captain Michael Vaughan had this to say about the run out
" Im on the pitch pissing myself laughing."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxiSWKYjc20

" You were thinking about tea were'nt you ?
You were thinking about those donuts and sandwiches
You lost your concentration mate
And once more mate, if that was a cheese and pickle roll , mate you would'nt let the bugger bounce."

Said By Mike Gatting
The above was Graham Gooch talking to Mike Gatting as they walked off for the Tea break in an Ashes Test match
This happened as they walked off the field , just after Mike Gatting was bowled by Shane Warnes ball of the century

" He walked over , he wasent having breakfast, I cant remember who I was with
He threw the paper down and goes what do I say about this ?
Kerry Okeefe had written an article and he was going through the team and he goes
I would rather watch bananas brown that watch Justin Langer Bat."

By Damien Fleming
About Justin Langer talking to him

Justin Langer made 170 against England in his next dig

"We were talking about Shane Warne being in the jungle a couple of years ago and we have a social media group going.
One of the things I had on my phone , remember when he got bitten on the head by a snake , he forgot to duck his head in this thing and a snake bit him on the top of the head and some of the banter around on the social media was that there was more concern about the snakes well being than Warneys."

By
Ricky Ponting

"There are 2 teams out there but only one of them is playing cricket."
By
Bill Woodfull
This famous quote from the bodyline series

Heres a couple more from that series

" A cricket tour in Australia would be the most delightful period in your life- if you were deaf."
By
Harold Larwood


" Leave our flies alone Jardine! There the only flamin' friends you've got here."
By
A spectator after Douglas Jardine swatted a fly away

" Im f......talking to you.
Come here.
Do that again and youre on the next plane home.
You f......test me and you''ll see."

By Allan Captain Grumpy Border
Said to Craig Billy The Kid Mcdermott

Border said this to Mcdermott after the fast bowler had bowled a few no balls in a game against Somerset
Mcdermott  exchanged words with Border
The print media has written that Mcdermott said he deserved what he got from the Border spray a few days later

An irony of sorts is that Craig Mcdermott is the current Australian bowling coach

Scrappy wrote:"There are 2 teams out there but only one of them is playing cricket."
By
Bill Woodfull
This famous quote from the bodyline series

Heres a couple more from that series

" A cricket tour in Australia would be the most delightful period in your life- if you were deaf."
By
Harold Larwood


" Leave our flies alone Jardine! There the only flamin' friends you've got here."
By
A spectator after Douglas Jardine swatted a fly away

And then there was the time after a days play during the Adelaide test where Jardine came to the Australian dressing room and knocked on the door to be greeted by the magnificently built Vic Richardson who was dressed only with a towel wrapped around his waist.
Jardine said to Vic "I am here to complain that one of your players called Larwood a b*stard"
Richardson without missing a beat turned to the other players in the dressing room and called out "Which of you b*stards called Larwood a b*stard instead of calling Jardine a b*stard"

It was a typical Vic Richardson statement.

The postscript to this is on the 5AA coverage this year an advertisement attributed the statement to Woodfull. Woodfull was the son of a Protestant minister who later became head master of Melbourne High School. He was a man of high principles who would never have uttered a profanity.

" That is the sort of injury where you hope the pain goes away but the swelling remains."

By Richie Benaud
Said after Brain Lara was hit in the nuts

" The delay stuffed me up
I was thinking, where is he going to bowl it, where am I going to hit it?"

By
Allan Border
AB had hit 5 zacs in a row
The bowler was Angus Dunlop
The last ball of the over Border only hit a 2

David Saker in a district cricket match in Melbourne in the 1990s
David Saker was tuned down for what he thought was an obvious caught behind decision
He had a word to the batsman
Then moved to to square leg
Then moved to mid wicket for a time

After a while umpire Len King suggested he might like to bowl the next ball
To which David Saker replied something to the affect of :
" Not until you give him out."

David Saker is a current coach of the Australian cricket team
Saker was a good fast bowler for Victoria and Tasmania
Interesting to note he started his SS career when he was almost 30 years old

" I just hope it gets me another game."

By
Dean Jones
After his 98 against South Africa January1994 in an ODI

Bit of feeling in that comment
This was Deanos comeback game in International cricket , after about 9 months
His ODI career ended in April 1994
A rather exceptional ODI player, one of the best produced by Australia

" I knocked his helmet straight of his head, it went to pieces, blood came out
I thought it was his brains coming out."
By
Jeffrey Thomson
After he hit Martin Crowe on the helmet in a Test v New Zealand in 1981

* Another good thing about the innings is that it gets thinks in perspective with regards to Hanif Mohammed, who got 499 and three-quarters , he was run out, playing for Pakistan Railways
We dont think much about a first class cricket team with a railway at the end of its name.*

By
Dean Jones
In regards to Brian Laras 501 against Durham, being a better dig then that of  Hanif Mohammed, in making 499[+3/4 !]



" I still dont think this 500 makes me a great cricketer
Ive much still to learn."
By
Brian Lara
A modest Brian Lara describing his 501

Shane Warne commenting on the Incredible Marcus Stoinis and Kane Richardson

" Through the game Stoinis gave a few hulk moves when he took a few wickets, then when Richardson got one he returned serve with a hulk
I tell you what though, I think Stoinis just turned around and said Ive seen better 'muscles' in fresh water."

Please note, cant verify, but the 'mussel' comment was a Warney line , and a funny one

3rd Test
England v Australia
2019




" Theyll have to have another concussion test for him, he knows it off by heart"
By
Ian Chappell
On Marcus Labuschagne being hit in the helmet several times in the series

" Jason Roy is totally out of his depth in Test cricket
Cummins got him with a good one
Pat might think that he wasted that one"

By
Ian Chappell

Lowest test averages for an opening batsman[minimum of 7 Test innings]
4.6 Ken Rutherford[NZ]
8.9 Jason Roy[EG]
9.0 Louis Stricker [SA]
9.7 Tommy Routlegde [SA]
10.1 Phil Horne [NZ]
10.3 Peter Mcallister [AU]

Kath Loughman interviewing a NZ spectator during the 2nd test AU V NZ 2019
She was asking about the Australian players

KATH : " Which player dosent grind your hairs?"
NZ SPECTATOR : " Whose the 12th man "

2020 BB GRAND L FINAL
5/116 Sydney Sixes
6/97 Melbourne Stars

This is what Glenn Maxwell had to say after the game about a couple of dismissals
" Stoins picking out the one man on the fence and me getting the one ball that Steve Okeefe spins all tournament."

AU V NZ 3RD TEST 1987
NZ 317
AU 357
NZ 286
AU 9/230 with one over to go, AU need 17 runs to win
Sir Richard Paddles Hadlee with Mike Whitney on strike
This is what Richard had to say

" We believe that Danny Morrison had Craig Mcdermott out absolutely plumb in the penultimate over."
" But then it came to the last over off course and there was Mike Whitney, good old Whit , and he walks out to bat he's got to survive the last over and Im bowling to him.
Ive also bowled 31 overs in the day and 5/60 at the time , I had a good day,but I needed one more to win the game and when Whit comes out to bat carrying a bat he only knows he's carrying the bat because he had to have a  bat in his hand , I mean Whit cant bat and this is the greatest embarrassment of my whole playing career bowling 6 deliveries to Mike Whitney batting at eleven who cant bat and I couldnt get him out ..."